Blah etc. and everything else

Lying on my bed looking at the glow in the dark figures that I stuck in my ceiling two years ago, I suddenly find myself unable to sleep. I finally gave up on trying to fathom the mysteries of thermodynamics for tommorow’s exam. What will happen will happen, I guess. I did the best I can, and if its not good enough, I guess I just wasn’t destined to finish college on time like everyone else.

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It is in these moments of coffee induced insomnia that I have the most pitiful conversation with myself. Forever telling myself that there is more to live for than the exam the next day.

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I don’t know if anybody else experiences it, but the sheer lack of hope when you know that you can do no more can be nerve wracking. The funny thing is, after the caffeine loses its effects and I finally get  agood night’s sleep, the hope seems to come back renewed and full of energy.

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Maybe it’s the energy loss, or maybe its the chemical induced wakedness, but it seems I get depressed in the middle of the night.

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The middle of the nightis my time, it is when I study, do my work, check my mail, write my stuff. I am most comfortable in the quiet, when everybody is asleep and I am alone in my own world.

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But being alone can be somewhat depressing.

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So how can I choose? Productive stupor alone in the middle of the night, or useless hapiness with someone?

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Now my head is starting to hurt.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 at 12:15 pm and is filed under blurbs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.