Blah etc. and everything else

It can’t have come at a move difficult time. Yes the tragedy that has befallen my life.

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First off I had to format my brand spankin new Pc so that i could partition the hard disk. But then I ended up deleting improtant files for Reactor. So I had to have the writers resend them. The bad thing about it is that I lost the editorial that I wrote for REactor.

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And as if thing can’t get any worse, I’m currently having writer’s block. WaaaaH Writer’s block seems to be happening a lot more often to me these days.

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Usually, I get rid of writers block by an extra jolt of adrenaline. I actually run up and down the stairs to get it back. But I already tried that, but it won’t work. The second thing I do to counteract writer’s block, is to drink coffee, lots of it.

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But oh the Horror!

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Some genius broke the the coffee maker pot. Guess who the genius is? Me! Damnit! Whilemaking my favorite Starbucks Gazebo Blend coffee I didn’t realize that the coffee maker was on and it was heating the glass pot. When I put the pot under the faucet to clean, it cracked. THE HORROR!

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So I’m subsisting on instant for now. Tears! And I still have writer’s block. I don’t know what to write about. Jeez

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I’m gonna die.

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And I have to have reactor Published on the first day of enrollment./

WAAAAAA!

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Panic mode.

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If you can give me a topic to comment on I would highly appreciate it.

I remember entering chatrooms in MIRC and greeting people what’s up? or What’s up room? and such. Once when I was in a particularly good mood, some jerk answered my "What’s up?" with "The roof." He ruined my day entirely. Eventually he ended up as one of my best buds online. I don’t quite remember his name or his tag. But enough about that.

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I love the question "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" And my answer to that is this afternoon. For the first time in my whole entire life, I gutted a fish. (shivers) Totally gross!

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I was flinching everytime I had my finger in there. ugggh.

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Anyway, CRS is still down so I’ve no idea about my grades or whatever.

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I’ve been downloading non-stop, hehehe. Fortunately there’re torrents. But they’re painfully slow so I’ve gotta wait about 4 days for the downloads to finish.

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I’m on CCS episode 38 right now, I hope I finish it before school starts.

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I finished downloading Mulan and Hercules, for my neice and the Fullmetal Alchemist and Cardcaptor sakura movies. I’m currently downloading episode 1-60 of One Piece, finished downloading the Flame of Recca manga and Tsubasa Chronicles Manga and episodes. Shiawase! (translation: I’m so happy or something like that)

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I also learned to imitate the taste of C2 green! A few months back I bought a box of green tea tea-bags. And I haven’t used them because it’s kinda warm inthePhilippines and drinking warm tea isn’t really my thing. Yesterday I tried adding sugar and diluting the tea, and whaddaya know, it tastes exactly like C2! Hahahaha. Yeah I know you may say duh! of course it’ll taste the same idiot! And I say, WHATEVER!

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Nangaaway?

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Hehehehe.

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Well that’s it for now I guess. I don’t know what else to write. There’s not much to do when you’re sitting in frontof the Pc all day watching anime.

Yeah it’s been so long since I’ve posted a blog entry and that’s because I’ve been so busy with my new PC. I just found some good software and I’m now on service pack 2 which is soOoOOO great! and safe. nyahahaha

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I’m also downloading alto of anime and watching cardcaptor sakura on youtube. (The downloads aren’t available anymore)

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Hmm what else. i passed BOTH my thermodynamics subjects. YAYNESS!!! Now all I’m waiting for are my grades for my other two majors. I hope the teachers have pity.

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I’m also planning to digitize all of the video that’s stored in my tapebox. Heheheh i’m finally going to be able to burn my debut on DVD. Because finally my computer will be able to stand the memory requirements for video editing.

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I also created a You tube account so I could upload all the videos that I’ll be having. I already uploaded one from the tambayan, which was quite funny. See it here.

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But before I could finish cardcaptor sakura and upload those videos, I still have to finish Reactor. Sheesh, this editor-in-chief stuff has become more of a pain than a blessing. But what can you do? So I gtg. hehehe gotta finish layouting and editing and stuff.

Lying on my bed looking at the glow in the dark figures that I stuck in my ceiling two years ago, I suddenly find myself unable to sleep. I finally gave up on trying to fathom the mysteries of thermodynamics for tommorow’s exam. What will happen will happen, I guess. I did the best I can, and if its not good enough, I guess I just wasn’t destined to finish college on time like everyone else.

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It is in these moments of coffee induced insomnia that I have the most pitiful conversation with myself. Forever telling myself that there is more to live for than the exam the next day.

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I don’t know if anybody else experiences it, but the sheer lack of hope when you know that you can do no more can be nerve wracking. The funny thing is, after the caffeine loses its effects and I finally get  agood night’s sleep, the hope seems to come back renewed and full of energy.

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Maybe it’s the energy loss, or maybe its the chemical induced wakedness, but it seems I get depressed in the middle of the night.

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The middle of the nightis my time, it is when I study, do my work, check my mail, write my stuff. I am most comfortable in the quiet, when everybody is asleep and I am alone in my own world.

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But being alone can be somewhat depressing.

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So how can I choose? Productive stupor alone in the middle of the night, or useless hapiness with someone?

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Now my head is starting to hurt.

SA situation ko ngayon nagaapply ang kanta ng eraserheads na Kamasupra.

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"Mahal kita, pero miss na miss na miss ko na ang aking kama at ang malupit kong unan. Ba’t di ka na lang sumama? Hihiga tayo at kakanta."

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Totoo napakasarap matulog. Kaso ang problema, hindi pa maaaring matulog ang isang tulad ko. Mayroon pa akong dalawang pagsusulit na kailangang tapusin. At hindi lang basta basta pagsusulit ang mga ito. Ito ay para sa dalawang thermodynamics kong aralin, ChE 122 at Chem 153.

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Ako nama’y nagpapasalamat at tapos na ang huling pagsusulit sa ChE 133, akin na lamang hihintayin ang mga resulta ng aking paghihirap at pagpupuyat sa semestreng ito.

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Laki ko ring salamat at pasado ang grado ko bago mag huling pagsusulit sa kimika 153. Napakasaya!

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AYOKO NA NG TAGALOG!

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Hehehe, I was trying to write everything in pure Filipino, but I can never seem to find appropriate filipino words for the things that I want to say.

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As I said previosly, there is no rest for the weary. If truth be told, yesterday’s semender took a lot out of me. Imagine walking up and down a mountainside twice! The first time was when me and Jules went down to buy booze. Then we encountered a pitch black patch of the road, as in wala kang makita. So we went back, coz we were both to chicken to be adventurous. Later that evening, we were armed with a flashlight courtesy of Len, and three more guys, Marky, Eric and Ace.

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Well if the climb up and down the mountain wasn’t enough, I also got very drunk, hehehe. At least I still remember most of what happened last night. And being that drunk, I sang my thoat off at the videoke machine, and I think, danced a little. All of that activity resulted in varying forms of muscle aches and headaches in the morning.

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I also got a lot of cuts on my hand, which I just realized this morning, was because of trying to open a bottle of or-gy, which had a metal cap. Apparently, I squeezed too hard closing the bottle when I was preparing the gin-pineapple concentrate.

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Yesterday, I tried going to sleep but I think I fell asleep at around 8pm and woke up later at 10. I slept again at around 11 and woke up at 4 am. So counting my sleep last SAturday night, which was about 2 hours, I’ve got a total of 11 hours for three days. An average of 3.67 hours a day. Talk about Zombie mode

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I was going to write something mushy and eewww but I guess that’ll have to wait for when I have nothing else to do. For now, I shall have to again juice my brain for the final hurdle, which is tommorow.

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PS

Hehehe. Tere, Yocz and I are plannign to go out tommorow. yayness

Yeah its that dreaded number, and that dreaded day. When the most "unlucky number" coincides with the supposed day of Christ’s death arrives, people become a little jittery.

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I recieved about 5 goodluck and be careful quotes on SMS this morning, without which I wouldn’t have noticed the fact that today is Friday the 13th.

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It’s a silly thing really. Actually I’ve disproven the effects of this day. Today is one of my most favorite days of all time. Not only am I out of debt (nakahinga den!) I also have plenty of time left for the rest of the things that I have to do.

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I was supposed to write a test for ChE 122, which turned out to be a take home exam. Yayness!

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I got my MWCI paycheck, just enough to get me through my debts and the sem break.

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It’s raining and the cool night’s breeze is just what I need for a great study session. Coffee is extra delicious when the ambient temperature is close to or less than 24 centigrade. Hehehe

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My dad cooked my absolute favorite ulam, sinigang!

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AAAAAAND I dunno if it’s final, but hindi pa ito lumalabas sa actual schedule ko sa CRS. Pero nakuha ko ang ES 11 at MS 1 sa CRS!!! Whooohooo! Well actually, I only found out because Patrick Ramoso told me that if I viewed grades viewing, I could see the subjects that I am enlisted in. Which included the two hardest subjects to enlist.

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Thank goodness! Actually, ito ang pinaka swerteng CRS ko ever, not counting the other time when I got all but one subject (that was when I was a freshie). I’m always unlucky at CRS, I used to always get the crappy sched or even worse, no sched at all. But now I got 5 out of 7 subjects that I wanted. Cool huh?

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I love this day!

“Sometimes its easier top forgive people for being wrong than for being right.”

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These are words from Albus Dumbledore of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series. I recently, as in it is still going on, had an argument with a friend about something that I do not have to share here.

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I came to realize that in any argument, especially in emotional ones, nobody is ever right and nobody is ever wrong. To one the other is wrong and vice versa. And the argument will simply never have an end because it will eventually expand into greater ranges that eventually all things previously unresolved would just come up.

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And let us all admit it, when we realize that we are indeed wrong, we look for ways, loopholes in the argument that would make us right, at least to ourselves. And the argument becomes a loop of justifications and accusations, like what just happened.

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I really feel bad, one because I know this stuff, but I still think I’m right and I wont give in, second because knowing this stuff, I know that that person feels the same way I do and third, even knowing these two, I still refuse to give in, at least totally, because I know that I have a point

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Truth is, we both have a point, I just don’t think that that person knows that I get the point that that person wants to transmit, and that there’s no use arguing. But still it goes on.

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I hate it.

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*I was hurt because you made it look like I was the bad guy, when all I was thinking about was your well being. I guess that’s wrong nowadays huh?

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Onto something lighter

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My dad finally met with the DSL representative or whatever that person is called and got us subscribed to PLDT myDSL, which is about friggin time! Now I’ll be able to download my daily quota of anime and manga! Nyahahaha Not to mention have an easier time uploading files for my site or whatever. I’m soo happy.

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Nostradamus-like song

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When I found out last night that my dad was going to apply for DSL, I was very very very happy. So to use up the rest of the dial up prepaid, I looked for mp3 over the net. And I found Nickelback’s Feelin’ way too damn good. I have the lyrics below but I like this line:

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            “Something’s gotta go wrong ‘coz I’m feeling way too damn good”

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Totoo nga. Syetness Di tuloy ako makapagaral ng 122.

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Feelin’  Way Too Damn Good by Nickelback

I missed you so much
That I begged you to fly and see me
You must’ve broke down
Coz you finally said that would
But now that you’re here
I just feel like I’m constantly dreaming

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Coz something’s gotta go wrong
Coz I’m feelin’ way to damn good

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For 48 hours I don’t think that we left my hotel room
Should show you the sights
Coz I’m sure that I said that I would
We gotta make love just one last time in the shower

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Well something’s gotta go wrong
Coz I’m feelin’ way to damn good

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And it’s like, every time I turn around
I fall in love and find my heart face down and
Where it lands is where it should
This time it’s like
The two of us should probably start to fight
Coz something’s gotta go wrong
Coz I’m feeling way to dam good, oh
Feelin’ way too damn good

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Sometimes I think best if left in the memory
It’s better kept inside than left for good
Lookin’ back each time they tried to tell me
Well something’s gotta go wrong
Coz I’m feelin’ way too damn good

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And it’s like, every time I turn around
I fall in love and find my heart face down and
Where it lands is where it should
This time it’s like
The two of us should probably start to fight
Coz something’s gotta go wrong
Coz I’m feeling way to dam good, oh
Feelin’ way too damn good
Oh, oh, feelin’ way too damn good

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I missed you so much
That I begged you to fly and see me
You must’ve broke down
Coz you finally said that would
But now that you’re here
I just feel like I’m constantly dreaming

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Coz something’s gotta go wrong
Coz I’m feelin’ way to damn good

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And it’s like, every time I turn around
I fall in love and find my heart face down and
Where it lands is where it should
This time it’s like
The two of us should probably start to fight
Coz something’s gotta go wrong
Coz I’m feeling way to damn good, oh, oh
Feelin’ way too damn good
(I missed you so much
That I begged you to fly and see me)
Feelin’ way too damn good
(I missed you so much
That I begged you to fly and see me)

Sure

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“How’re you? Long time no see.”

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It was the first time I’ve seen him after a year. He was smiling his usual bright smile, his cheeks so high it reduces his eyes into tiny slits on his face. His lips were slightly parted and the whole upper part of his teeth showing. A smile I haven’t seen in twelve months.

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He hasn’t changed one bit, his dark skin with a slight yellow tinge still glows like fire in the midday sun. His hair was still the same length, as if it hadn’t grown in twelve months. Shoulder length, layered but neat. No bangs no styling just his plain hair. I always thought his hair must have the texture of a baby’s, soft smooth and fresh.

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On his left hand was a half eaten sandwich, on the other a blackberry waiting to be toggled. He was wearing a coat and tie, typical everyday businessman.

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“I’m fine. How’re you?”

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I hope he didn’t notice me tremble, my stomach’s doing somersaults and I don’t know why.

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“Oh doing this and that. I was just about to sta-”

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He was cut short by a slight beeping, from the blackberry he was holding.

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“Hey I gotta go, how about I get your number and we have lunch sometime?”

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Got something to do? Yeah you always do. Why can’t we have lunch now you stupid idiot?

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“Oh sure, I’m on my way to something important too. My number’s 09170010825”

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I smile… a fake smile.

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“Thanks! Well, I’ll be seeing you then”

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He puts the rest of his sandwich in his mouth, waves at me and walks away, not waiting for my reply. As he walks away, he toggles his blackberry, no doubt scheduling some other important meeting.

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His tall figure slowly moving away was a sight to behold, I couldn’t help but stare. Girls he used to date used to comment him on his gait. They say it was sexy and glamorous, like a supermodel’s. But I know better, he just can’t walk normally.

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The way his shoulders sway so smoothly is because he has scoliosis. The sway remained even after all the metals that were keeping him together were removed. And his manly stagger as his legs move forward was a consequence of a sprain he got back in high school that never really healed.

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I used to always laugh whenever girls would coo while he walks towards them.

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<beep beep> <beep beep>

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A message

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“Hey it’s me, the one you saw a minute ago.  my boss just cancelled on me, lets have lunch now!”

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I looked up from my cellphone and there he was walking toward me. Like some bigshot with that silly smile plastered on his flawless face. Waving like some lost idiot in an airport.

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I just said I had something else to do? Are you friggin deaf! The nerve of this guy!

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“So, how about that lunch?” He puts his arm on my shoulder.

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I smile

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“Sure.”

I’m currently on another Eraserheads fix, and here’re a few of the songs that I especially like and the quotes that I appreciate.

Format:

Title, Album

"Quote"

—

Gatekeeper, Fruitcake

Tales so unordinary alien and strange, she talked about yuletide war and corruption, nuclear gift exchange. Talked about crime slime from the grapevine…

—

Ang Huling El Bimbo, Cutterpillow

Magkahawak ang ating kamay at walang kamalay-malay na tinuruan mo ang puso ko na umibig ng tunay.

—

Finetime, Cutterpillow

I hope we could spend more time together, a fe hours is better than ever. If we could only make it longer… the whole day would be fine.

—

Huwag mo nang itanong, Cutterpillow

Fieldt trip sa may pagawaan ng lapis ay katulad ng buhay natins, sa mahabang pilang mabagal at walang katuturan

—

Kamasupra, Cutterpillow

Sampung buwan akong di natutulog. Mahal kita pero miss na miss na miss ko na ang aking kama at ang amlupit kong unan.  Ba’t di ka na lang sumama? Hihiga tayo at kakanta.

—

Huwag kang matakot , ???

Huwag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha, kasama mo naman ako.

—

Pop Machine, ???

Lahat ay may pagasa sa pop machine

—

Magasin, Circus

Sana sa susunod na isyu ay centerfold ka na

—

Maselang Bahaghari, ???

Paglipas ng ulan ay mapapangiti ang araw, h’wag sanang mawala ang maselang bahaghari.

—

Minsan, ???

Ngunit kung sakaling mapadaan baka ikaw ay aking tawagan dahil minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan.

—

Overdrive, Cutterpillow

Ginataang manok, ginataang gata, ginataang niyog… Ang sarap no?

—

Pare Ko, ???

Anong sarap, kami’ya naging magkaibigan, napuno ako ng pag-asa. Yun pala hanggang dun lang ang kaya, akala ko ay pwede pa. Masakit mang isipin, kailangang tanggapin, kung kelan ka naging seryoso saka ka nya gagaguhin.

—

Poor Man’s Grave, Cutterpillow

Dress me up in a coat and tie… Put me in a golden box, not a cross in a pile of rocks… ‘coz I don’t want to lie in a poor man’s grave.

—

Sa Wakas, Circus

Asan na ba kyo tignan ninyo ako, di nyo inakala na ako’y mananalo. Pero salamat na din sa inyo, sa wakas.

—

Shadow, Fruitcake

Shadow is my friend, he’ll be with me till theend. He won’t let me down, just chase me around. He won’t get on my nerves if it gets any worse… People are so strange everybody is deranged. Everytime I try tos peak they won’t get it for a week.

—

Waiting for the Bus, Cutterpillow

I’ll drink mybeer I’ll wipe my tears, southboundint he sky. Another crime another reason gets you everyday… Well I’m caught up in this stupid game that Ican’t play. It’s justa  waste of time, but I’m in it anyway.

—

Shake yer head, Ultraelectromagneticpop
I ain’t no stupid fighter I go for flower power. I’ve been running every race just to save my face yeah. SOI just shook my head and walked away.

—

Torpedo, Cutterpillow

‘wag mo naakong pilitin, ako ay walang lakas ng loob para tumanggi.

—

Fruitcake, Fruitcake

Take a bite, it’s alright. A little girl is travelling all alone, she ran away from home.

—

Spoliarium, Sticker happy

- Tinanong kung ok lang ako sabay abot ng baso.

- At ngayon di pa rin alam kung ba’t tayo nandito. Pwede bang itigil muna ang pagikot ngmundo.

—

Hard to believe, Sticker happy

I find it hard to believe, when someone told me that your suffering is what you get for living. I wanted life to be this way, just a little bit of love could mean so much. Oh please don’t take it all away, ‘coz withoyu heaven is still close enough to touch.

—

Superproxy, Cutterpillow

Sawa ka na ba sa mga hassle sa buhay mo, ayaw mo na bang magisip para sa sarili? Hindi na dapat maghirap, sa iisang iglap ang buhay mo ay sasarap. Wag nang mag-atubili, kumuha na ng superproxy.

—

Para sa Masa, ???

I like the whole song so…

ito ay para sa mga masa
sa lahat ng nawalan ng pag-asa
sa lahat ng ng aming nakasama
sa lahat ng hirap at pagdurusa
naaalala nito pa ba
binigyan namin kayo ng ligaya
ilang taon na ring lumipas
mga kulay ng mundo ay kumupas
marami na rin ang mga pagbabago
di maiiwasan pagkat tayo ay tao lamang
mapapatawad mo ba ako
kung hindi ko sinunod ang gusto mo
la la la la la la la la. . . . . .
pinilit kong iahon ka
ngunit ayaw mo namang sumama
ito ay para sa mga masa
sa lahat ng binaon ng sistema
sa lahat ng aming nakabarkada
sa lahat ng mahilig sa labsong at drama
sa lahat ng di marunong bumasa
sa lahat ng may problema sa skwela
sa lahat ng fans ni sharon cuneta
sa lahat ng may problema sa pera
sa lahat ng masa
huwag mong hayaang ganito
—

Lightyears, Fruitcake

I like this song more so…

Big dipper north of nowhere
Outside the room inside my mind
Look forward to tomorrow
But can i leave yesterday behind

How it feels so strange
To have grown and changed
Now it’s not the same

‘coz time, slips and slide into another place
And try, as we might to understand each other
Doesn’t really matter where you are
It always seem so far
‘coz you’re lightyears away
You’re lightyears away from me

Little dipper south of somewhere
It looks much closer than it really is
I held it in my hands
But you’re forever out of reach

Far as the eye can see
Nothing is meant to be
Doesn’t mean much to me

But oh, if i only had a rocket ship to fly
I’d be right there in a minute
But it doesn’t really matter where you are
However near is still so far
‘coz when you’re lightyears away
You’re lightyears away from me

Far as the eye can see
Nothing is meant to be
Doesn’t mean much to me

‘coz time, slips and slide into another place
And try, as we might to understand each other
Doesn’t really matter where you are
It always seem so far
‘coz you’re lightyears away
You’re lightyears away from me

Look forward to tomorrow
But can i leave yesterday behind

Another attempt at poetry.

—

If you can’t stand it, look away.

—

You have been warned!

—

Contradictions

—

That song depresses me, but I listen to it.

your face irritates me, but beside you I sit.

—

I’m pro labor rights but I scream at the staff.

At your corny jokes I laugh

—

Smoke is bad for me, but I inhale it.

Your hair’s unruly, but I don’t mind it.

—

I need rest but I work

I’d like to pierce your style with a pitchfork

—

I hate capitalists, but I shop in malls

I’d like to see your cute face drop on a waterfall

—

I buy fake, but say support the true

You’re egotistic but I like you

—

I’m a pessimistic optimist

And in my heart you’re an off-limits cyst