Blah etc. and everything else

I was about to disconnect from the net when a recent e-mail about a blog entry caught my attention.

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I’ve nothing gainst what was said in that blog, and I’m ok with whatever opinion that that person has. This is a disclaimer in a wy, I am not commenting on that person’s blog, these are just thoughts that passed my mind while reading the entries.

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Trust is something that is hard to earn. You’d have to have one hell of a friend to be able to realease all of your insecurities and your secrets. That type of friend is really impossible to have, but it can be approached, just like infinity.

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I believe that a person who cannot trust anybody shouldn’t be trusted as well. A person without enough confidence to confide the truth to someone in person will be hard put to confide the full truth when he/she is asked to, especially if it comes to sensitive matters.

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Last Tuesday, two and I spent the afternoon together, at a coffeeshop in Katipunan, and then ended up doing videoke at the other’s place that same evening. The great thing was, even if there weren’t any alcoholic drinks to induce confessions, there were still some, actually a lot. Hehehe. And I never felt any restrictions that night. Everything was laid down, and the fun thing was, there was no judging going on, at least on my part. Just plain confessions.

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I read once in a mgzine that it’s good to hve someone or something to confide in. A personw ould be better, but a journl would do. which is why I have this.

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It makes me woner. What if I didn’t have those two confidants. Asan na kaya ako ngayon? Maybe 6 feet under the ground, or somewhere lost and crazy.

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Basta, I’m glad I could trust someone with my deepest darkest secrets. True friends are hard to find, but you won’t have them if you don’t look for them.

This typhoon couldn’t have had a worse timing arriving when it did. I dunno who said it to me, but this sabbatical would be like the eye of the storm, a short calm to the forboding chaos that is yet to come. (Just remembered, si Jules pala nagsabi)

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But our house wasn’t really hard hit by the typhoon. I think my dad and I were a good tandem. He handled the leaks and the stray sprays downstairs and I handled the ones upstairs. It was like our house was submerged inside a giant swimming pool and the water’s starting to get into the small holes.

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So finally the lights are back on, and the first thing I did was of course, charge my cellphone’s batteries. And then go online to write this entry.

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As I was saying before I rudely went off topic and chattered, this eye of the storm is really the last thing that I need. First of all it was hard studying for ChE 122 when 1st, I barely learned anything from my prof, 2nd, it was so friggin hot because there’s no electricity, 3rd, there’s news that the exam might be cancelled because, I quote Karol "Wasak ang campus." And true to his word, na-uproot/natumba nga naman ang mga more than 50 year old trees sa academic oval. Poor trees.

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Right now I’m hoping that the exam tommorow is canceled so I could have time to rearrnge my life. Life kinda stopped when the electricity stopped flowing. Is pent all dy eating, listening to music on my Mp3 player and lying around. I read VanNess when the sun was out but, I don’t think I absorbed anything other than Chemical Engineering thermodynmics is BORING!

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Well I’m done with my e-mail and my blgo entry. I was gonna put in stuff that I actually enjoyed during the black-out, like how I got to talk to my parents and stuff cuz there was nothing else to do, but I’ll reserve what happened to the set of stories that I’m writing.

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I’m planning on putting into writing all the stories my grand mom told me about my dd and his brothers. My dad added a few stories to those yesterday, so dun na lang.

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Ayan, I have a new category, sa mga fans ko, (asa) may bago nang category and entries ko side from blurbs, nyahehehe, adventures. Pero don’t expect too much. As much as I’d like to go to different places to travel and protect the innocent like Kenshin or look for magical articfacts like Lara Croft, I am unable to do so. But fortunately, I have enough imagination to make the most of my daily life into an adventure.

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On the way

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For example, yesterday, a Saturday. I really don’t have much to do (yet) so I decided to go to the Eng’g lib to study for ChE 133, and  B. Serrano and 5th  ave. was unusually jammed, more so than usual. Already I was thinking that there might’ve been an accident. Maybe cars have collided, buses piled-up, explosions from gas tanks, people on fire, wounded people running around, pure mayhem!

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Well there was an accident, but it was just a bus with a slight collision with a truck, not very exciting. But at least I had something to do over the half hour traffic jam.

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In UP

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When I finally arrived at the Engineering building, walking from the FC shed (I thought I might as well get some exercise by walking from FC to Eng’g instead of waiting it out in the jeep) I was almost to the Eng’g facade, when lo and behold, as I was about to cross the street from the oval side, the road in front was newly asphalted. So unless I wanted my flipflops to melt, I had to double back to the back entrance.

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At the Library

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Nothing much happened on my way to the library, except my bladder was extremely full and I deperately had to pee. So I went by the cafeteria entrance because it was nearer the bathrooms. But no! I was not about to pee, the bathrooms were closed! Dangit! So I hd to hike all the wy to the other side, on the upper floor.

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After getting that over with, I finally went inside Eng’g Lib, which smelled so much like, guess what? New books? no! Plastic covers? no! Success? definitely not! bread? thanks heavens no! But it smelled like, TINAPA! But I had no choice so I sat there from 12 noon to 3 pm pondering the process of designing dryers and humidifiers.

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SM

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At 3pm, I finally felt the urge to eat. I didn’t realize tht I haven’t eaten a bite. So as a rewrd for successfully studying something, I decided to eat my most favorite of all foods, SUSHI! Well just california Maki. So I went to Sm, to Tokyo Teriyaki (sa foodcourt!) and ended up buring Pork tonkatsu with the sushi.

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Satisfied finally, I knew it was still early so I went to National Bookstore, to do some window shopping. Unfortunately, the call of the comics sections was much too strong, and against my better judgment and the state of my wallet, I bought Pugad Baboy 14. I didn’t buy the 18th ’cause it was too expensive hehehe.

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I also got to buy some e-ji and my fvorite, Mentos Berry Mix! Kaya masaya ulit ako. ^_^

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And thus ends my adventure

Wala lang, namimiss ko yung daily entries ko from a few weeks before, it seems I have writer’s block pag masaya ako. Well you can’t have everything nga daw diba. Pag depressed magaling magsulat, pag masaya di marunong mag english, nyahahaha ang hirap tuloy pumili, depressed pero kumikita* or masaya pero broke. Haay anghirap

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* Itong star na to sa taas nung kumikita na word sa paragraph sa taas, ieexplain ko kung baket ako kumikita. Rumaraket po kasi ako. (sa mga di nakakalam) ang raket ko ay online SEO writing, at mejo keri naman ang kita, for a student that is. Eh pag masaya ako mas feel ko magliwaliw kaysa magsulat ng articles, hehehe kaya ito, wala munang raket, ang saya saya ko kasi.

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ewan ko pero the smallest things make me smile lately. I admit na I had a depression stint these past few weeks, especially yung week n daily ako gumagawa ng entry, pero fortunately, I got over that phase and I’m back and as energetic as ever. Although that period of time changed a lot in me, I learned a lot from it to. I learned to prioritize, and to slow down.

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Doon ko narealize na I shouldn’t try to do everything, I have co-workers, friends, family, orgmates, whom I can depend on do do things just as good as I can or maybe even better. I kinda have this problem about not trusting other people to do my work, so I end up doing all the work on my own.

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Na feel ko nga na napaka hypocritical nung nukmber 4 message ko sa isang person dun sa isa ko pang entry (click here to read that entry) about giving work to other people instead of taking it all for yourself, narealize ko na ganun din pala ako. Siguro I just lack trust in other people. ganyan kasi daw pag nadisappoint ka na ng paulit-ulit, angkakaroon ka na ng defense mechanism and nagbubuild ka na ng walls around yourself.

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Enough about self reflection.

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It’s finally hell period, I can’t really say week because my hell period doesn’t last a week, it’s more like, hell half month, or whatever, because starting this week until the last dayof classes eh medjo kelangang todo karir ang studies. Althoughsa lamat at tapos na ang STS report namin (sa wakas!) although kahit ako yung nagedit di ko pa din sya nagustuhan. As always , alam kong kaya kong i-improve yon, pero sabi nga naman ni dianne, di naman pedeng 100% ako sa STS kundi babagsak ako sa majors.

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In fairness tama yung sinabi ni Jules na namaximize ko yung GE na most-hated ng mga tao. At least kahit na nakakapagod, enjoy naman. Inf airness, ito lang ang nagiisang group ko na nakapaginuman kami nyahahaha.

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Speaking of inuman, namimiss ko na yun. KAsi unnlike some people I know (ehem) I have find it hard to find time for booze. Although gusto ko, hehehe mahirap kasi magpaalam ng gabi ka uuwi tas lango ka pag-uwi. Haaay, sana yung mga magbibirthday (ehem ehem) magpainom naman jan! Or kahit yung tapos na magbirthday, nayahahah.

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Looking forward to Sem Break

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Hay konti na lang, after ng Sem break makakapagpahinga na din ako. Makakatulog ng 8 hours or maybe more a day, mababasa yung mga books na gusto ko basahin. (humanda ka The Alchemist at the Devil Wears Prada, I’ma comin’!)  Ang hirap kasi maghanap ng time para magkaroon ng recreational reading, ang lagi ko na lang katabi ay si Foust at at si Smith, minsan si Van Ness or si Beer. Haay. Sana next sem di na ganito kahectic, nawawalan na ako ng gimik life. Heheheh

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Ayun, angsaya, bihira akong magkaentry ng ganito, sana lagi na lang ganito entries ko…. Walang sense. hehehe

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Ciao at salamat sa lahat ng nagbabasa!

Finally after days and days of not being able to update this blog, I am finally able to do so! (duh!)

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Although this isn’t really a good time for me to post (I’m having writer’s block) maybe this is just what I need to get the spunk back. It seems that, I am not able to write anything good even if my life depended on it. Actually, right now, this paragraph looks like a bunch of crap to me.

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WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!

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Sana may maaya akong magcoffee tommorow, mukhang kelangan ko ulit ng starbucks shot hehehehe.

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Well ito muna, nais ko lamang pasinayaan ng unang entry ang aking bagong modem. ^_^

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This week was probably the
haggardest week of my whole entire life. I don’t know but even with
22 waking hours each day, I still can’t find enough time to fulfill
all the responsibilities I am entitled to.

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On dropping

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So I dropped ES11. I had
to take something out of my repertoire, and it had to be something na
patapon na din lang. So with a heavy heart, I took claim to that
blue slip, filled it up, had it signed and paid for it. Many thanks
to my greatest friends in the world who bore my  depression lapses
and for convincing me that it is not yet the end of the world.

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I haven’t quite gotten
over the whole thing yet so it still gives me some bouts of
depression but I guess I’m better.

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Movie mode

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The aaargh thing was that
the thing that was supposed to cheer me up ended up making my state
even worse. I watched a movie last Thursday, the day I decided to
drop ES11, with Dianne and Danjun, its title, The Wicker Man. And I
must say that this is the most sordid piece of film that I’ve ever
had the misfortune to stimulate my optical nerves for. I should’ve
spent that time to catch up on my studies, or at least sleep.

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I may be exaggerating, but
just a bit. The story was good, I would’ve appreciated it more if
it was a book. But it’s just not film material. If I was a director
and I was given that script, I would’ve fitted it into one hour,
WITH commercials, in short, one episode of a TV series. It had too
many lengtheners, too many scenic moments which were obviously just
placed there to lengthen the film. Even the climax lasted way too
long; the minimal adrenaline that my glands pumped up for it couldn’t
have sustained an appreciable increase in heart rate for such a long
and dull climax.

.Consequently, I think
that Nicolas Cage is losing his touch. He of course was as good as an
actor can be, but the direction was simply, how to put this…
horrible! He overdid the acting on most parts, the character was too
angry, he was someone that a viewer would never sympathize with, he’s
even annoying while he’s dying sheesh!

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For a film that was
supposed to cause suspense the only parts that gave me suspense were
the schizophrenic moments, which were extremely overdone and I must
say DID NOT have any relevance to the plot whatsoever.

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From the start of the film
you’ll know that it’s no good. And don’t get me started with
the ending. I was so unsatisfied that I expected something more
fulfilling after the climax. The actual epilogue, which was supposed
to leave a good lasting mark, left instead a feeling that could only
be described by the word “duh”.

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Achievements

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Enough about the filthy
movie, moving on, my groupmates and I finally got over the progress
report for ChE 134, and with a very good to boot! Thanks to what
Miguel did and Ronald’s efforts and to Jules’ laptop. I’m glad
that analyzing those data all night and coming out with next to
nothing actually bore fruit. Even so, there’s still a ways to go,
but I’m glad that we’re going in the right direction.

Deadlines

(September 11) Next up
would be finally the STS report, which thank God would conclude this
Monday. We spent the whole day at Diana’s house finishing the
report, and I’m glad that we closed all the stuff that needed to be
closed. Now all that’s left is this presentation which I still have
to finish.

(September 12) After STS,
is Chem 153, which I have to do a research on. I need to find the
latest uses of supercritical fluids, ick!

(September 13) ChE 122
exam, which will be a bit easier to study for since I won’t have ES
11 to worry about anymore.

(September 16) Day of
PubPalihan, the Solidardad activity for which I am the Logistics
head. Still crossing my fingers hoping that the room we requested
would be approved for use.

(September 22) Deadline of
articles for Reactor, will have to have them e-mailed to Carlo,
edited and checked on this day, two days after the writers have given
them to me (hopefully) so that he could layout it for the publish
date.

(September 26) Get the
edited copy from Carlo and give it to Mam Gene to check so that it’ll
be published before the end of classes.

(September 27) Publish
date of Reactor

(End of September) The
probable time when I’ll have to write the 3^rd ChE 133
exam (which I desperately have to ace) and the 3^rd ChE 122
exam (which I have to ace too).

(October 4) 3^rd
ChE 153 exam

(First two weeks of
October) Hell weeks, most probable time for other exams

After that I’m going to
have to go back to doing my usual rakets, which sad to say, I had to
let go of in order to keep up with school and other responsibilities.

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Changes

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Sometimes the world can be
so unfair, especially when it expects too much of someone. The
problem with society nowadays is that it is too dependent on the
norms that it has been used to. So when a radical change arises, it
takes a lot of work to adjust to that change.

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It’s like
thermodynamics, more work needs to be applied on a closed adiabatic
piston to have an instantaneous change rather than to change it
infinitesimally. Of course infinitesimal changes take time. I think
society has become too acclimatized to its current norms, so just
like a piston, it is “stressed” more when there is instantaneous
change.

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Although the theories of
thermodynamics apply to most physical objects it is therefore
justified. But then I ask, do we dare compare ourselves to something
as normal, as brainless and as externally dependent as a piston and
resist instantaneous changes so ordinarily and with so much
intensity? Shouldn’t we as thinking creatures be able to fathom the
complexities of our world and be able to buffer tirades, mistakes,
insults, memory lapses, outbursts, oversights, errors, sins and all
other forms of shortcomings that don’t come very often? Have we
become stupid beings who simply react and not think?

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It’s just that there are
things that happen instantly, there are some things that do not have
enough time to change and just does so.

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As a person, I think I am
entitled to a few memory lapses a few mistakes and a few
irresponsible moments, I am of course, human. Not a computer which
can compute all possible outcomes and can store every bit of memory
and recall it at a click, I am better than that, although maybe not
as efficient. And as a human who accepts her flaws, I also accept the
flaws of other people, and consequently as someone who does so, I try
not to keep grudges. I do get angry at mistakes, but when I go to bed
at night, I know that I have forgiven all mistakes that are
forgivable at such a short time or else forgive them eventually, so
that should I die, there wouldn’t be an extra weight pulling me
down into hell.

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All things unforgiven,
turn into grudges. Grudges are fruits of un-analyzed shortcomings,
and ones that usually come from mistakes that come abruptly. The
littlest mistake ruins a person no matter how clean his record is.
One mistake, as dictated by our society, taints a person forever and
this stain is indelible and eternal.

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You will be judged because
of an error for all eternity, by all who have borne witness to it and
by all who’ve heard of it, unless they analyze and finally realize
that you are unmistakably human and fallible. It is then that they
will forgive, not necessarily forget, but certainly the “judging”
due to that mistake would lessen substantially.

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Maybe this world will be a
much better place if we all stopped and thought that we are all
entitled to a few mistakes before we are actually held responsible,
because most of the time, shortcomings aren’t vindictive and come
from actual lapses.. 

My schedule is so swamped I can’t even find time to check my e-mails and update my blog anymore. I always have tim for that. *sigh, the only reasonw hy this blog entry exists is that my sister’s taking to goddamn long to take a bath and I’ve got bothign else to do.

My head feels like its made of clay, numb and heavy, maybe because of the meds I’ve been taking these past few days. MY other sister went by my room the other day, she said, "Ano ba ching mamamatay ka na ba? Buntis ka ba?" Waaaaaaa! Ang dami daw kasing gamot sa table ko.

Well for those who want to see me dead, sorry, I will have to delay your jubilation a little while longer because the last time I got checked, I’m still breathing. Barely. The meds are mainly vitamins and antibiotics, because the damned cough and tonsilitis won’t go away. And of course I drink aspirin regularly now. NOt for the headaches but for the heart, I’ve been experiencing chest pain a lot recently so, better do preventive measures early on.

Well my sister’s done, so I’ll have to cut this short.