I’m not cut out for this (Writer’s Block, a big one!)
Created: 1am, October 12, 2005
I’m tired, I feel sick, my stomach feels like its going to turn inside out anytime soon. I have a deadline at 12am for 200, 15-40 word, tips and another three, 700 word, articles at 10 am
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My eyes feel like they’re filled with lead, my butt hurts from the extended sitting, I’m filled with junk food, I’ve ingested enormous amounts of caffeine, its 1am, I ran out of internet card and I’m on the verge of tears trying to find some who’ll loan me theirs long enough to send my 1 hour overdue article to my editor, and did I mention I feel sick?
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I don’t really think I’m cut out for this writing stuff; I might as well throw it out the window. I would have done that, long ago, if only….
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But what can I do? I get good money out of it, not that I earn a lot, but doing this writing gig has given me my single source of reliable income, without the hassle of having to go to an office, not to mention it (almost) not affecting my studies.
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At least I get to buy what I want, and save up for things I might want someday, right?
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Then why am I so miserable?
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I’m not used to writing at will, writing’s not like that, you’re supposed to do that when you’re inspired, or in the mood. But writer’s block isn’t an option in the kind of gigs I’m taking. In this fast paced, low income world, if you don’t work fast you get nothing, well that’s the story with the types of writing assignments I’m getting.
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Yeah, it’s good to say that I’ve earned this and that through my own hard work, but as the people at pinoywriters said when someone advertised my gig at their forum, a writer’s efforts is worth a lot more than that. And I quite agree, in this sentence, I mean quite as very.
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Did you know that quite can be used as a synonym for both the words slight and very?
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I’m drifting again.
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I hate the fact that friendster blogs don’t allow line breaks and I’ve got to put periods in between paragraphs just so my paragraphs are properly separated. One thing I won’t forget from my Creative Writing teacher, was what she said about the line spacing. She said it when we printed out each other’s work for peer review. She said something like you can decrease the font size, the margins, but don’t delete the line breaks between each paragraph, line breaks are there for pauses, it means the author wants to create a pocket of time for you to think about what you just read before going on to the next, and I hate friendster for removing the opportunity for that pocket of time.
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Drifting, drifting.
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I wish people didn’t encourage me, I wish I didn’t take that writing exam for “The Word” back in first year high-school, I wish I didn’t go to that essay writing contest, or the DSSPC, then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have discovered that I had a knack for putting words together. That’s just it right? Putting words together to make them comprehensible?… Bleh, anybody can do that, so why me?
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I never really believed I can write; when I read my own work, it all feels so, normal, unlike when I read articles appearing on magazines and such. I’ve never had the decency to proofread my work, you’ll see that when you read the heading of this blog, or any post on this blog for that matter. So why am I still here?
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600 words, I’m on a roll here. Writers are very low paid, most of them take low paying jobs, (like the one I have, although I don’t consider myself as a writer)but being a writer sort of has its privileges. Being branded a pseudo-intellectual, or even a celebrity (when you get published) has its perks, but it looses its flair in the long run.
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Before the emergence of Sex and the City, most people usually viewed writers as boring people spending time in front of computers, look at Clark Kent in Superman. Carey Bradshaw’s role in Sex and the City lifted the writer’s character, making her out to be a stylish intellectual.
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Well, I’m no Carey Bradshaw, and I sure as hell am not a Clark Kent, at least Clark had a Superman alter-ego.
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Well if you were expecting some life or decision changing anti-thesis to everything I just said, you won’t find it here, maybe in future posts, when I become more fulfilled with what I do, but for now, not yet. And since I haven’t accepted that I’m a writer, I won’t necessarily follow the rules of writing, leaving you with this hanging ending with no closing paragraph.
